Strange morning — walked out to the bar to see an errant sprinkler nailing my new HDTV. Luckily, the only casulty was the Verizon box. On the way to the grocery store to buy booze, I realized the sell out was complete. Once I angrily fought for the oppressed; now I only get passionate when my electronics are threatened.
I almost killed a cyclist on the way to the grocery store — on purpose. I love the fair burgh where I live, but it is overrun with cyclists, especially on Sunday mornings. They don’t think they have to yield to 1.5 ton vehicles.
Browns, with their backs to the wall, already forced into a must win game, are down already. I work with a guy who cliams to be a Browns fan. I think he is an imposter because he sues words like “Hope” and “Faith.” However, what type of sick fuck would pretend to root for the Browns? I think he got wind of my upcoming reality TV show and is trying to get into my good graces.
Demons and family legacy on Survivor. How is that show still on? What sort of cultists still watch it?
6-0 Colts. Trading for FGs for punts is a brilliant first half strategy when your All Pro White Running Back is suffering from the Madden Curse.
Cribbs with the big run back. Too bad the Colts kicker is a bigger man than Cribbs.
Michael Bush just stole fantasy points from one of my RB, McFadden. Fantasy thiefs are the worst.
4th and inches, Browns go for it. Browns get it. The Browns’ season changes. Hope and Faith are alive. Browns TD — McCoy pass — does he still throw like a girl, Powell?
Tim Hightower is finally having a breakout season. Beanie Wells isn’t.
Another Colts FG — I left that kicker on the bench because I thought he’d just be kicking XPs all day.
The new Charlie Batch era might be starting in Pittsburgh. The suspense is mounting.
The Browns have fewer quality recivers than the Indians have power hitters. Massaquoi with the big catch! He is the Little Fukudome. Hillis TD — the march to the Pro Bowl has begun.
The Bills are turning back into pumpkins. The Raiders look good. Maybe Al Michaels should just STFU.
All football. No limits. Only from Sprint. I have Sprint and have no idea what that means. There were limits?
The All Pro White Running Back just fumbled. The road to the Pro Bowl has pot holes. Cam Newton just threw an INT. Growing pains for the youths.
Collins hot on this drive — Browns are done because they refuse to tackle. Oh Icarus, where have you gone? Browns defense turns Prometheus and hold the colts to a FG.
Steve Smith with a retard fumble. Sweet.
Bills are coming back. Maybe Al Michaels was right. What if we turned trash into surfboards? Then we would have surfboards made of trash. Not a difficult question.
Hey, Indy fans, just because you don’t have an MLB team doesn’t mean you have to emulate the St. Louis Cardinals with your whining. Oooh, you are mad — what are you going to do — set the tractors in the parking lot on fire? Loot the International Harvester dealership? Oh wait, you can’t!
Browns defense with the interception deep in Colts territory. Kick the FG now. Shit, Browns fumble. Got it back — kick the FG now.
Bills take the lead. Browns finally get that FG so they can lose 19-17. Browns defense hold. Hope and faith are alive.
Larry Fitgerals long TD. Meanwhile, Boldin just had two goal line drops.
Conservative play calling and goofy trickery (Fontenot up the middle!) doom the Browns drive, but McFadden scores for the Raiders, propelling my fantasy team.
In baseball, the Red Sox are choking.
Way to stop the clock, McCoy. What type of play call was that? The All Pro White Running Back busts one for a TD? Did the Browns score to quickly?
Rex Grossman is having another big week. He is resurgent. Maybe he has a little Bernie Kosar in him. Chew on that, Powell.
Nice backwards pass on the turnover. That should be a $500,000 fine. Colts fans are leaving — good thing — the crops are ready in the fields. The ones that are staying are booing their team. What a bunch of asshat insurance adjusters who think they have wealth because they have season tickets.
Pete Carroll is now on the hot seat. Soccer is king in Seattle.
Cam Newton is a god. Browns turn this into an onside kick pucker. Scored too quickly. They recover the onside kick, so all is well.
Victory shots! To Hope and Faith, those lusty whores!