Friday Night Drunk Blogging (Jersey Shore Edition)

Raul (Beloved Nephew) and I tonight — Bobby working. Raul slipped into the fantasy baseball playoffs and has to play the number one seed — me. I know no one cares about our fantasy league, but we have an interesting side bet — loser has to nail a hooker that looks like Oprah Winfrey. I think Raul secretly wants to lose.

Fukudome bails out Perez in the ninth. Perez sucks — trade him in the off season for Lance Morrison who wore out his welcome in Miami. If Morrison runs his mouth in Cleveland, my friend Guido will counsel him on a Lake cruise. Fear is a wonderful motivator.

Royals win! Ozzie Guillen will be the Marlins’ manager next year.

Why does Pert Plus feel compelled to advertise on the MLB Network? And why is a bear getting a physical?

Belgium cyclists are being interviewed during the Mariners game. God, they have bad teeth. Sometimes HD is painful.

Harold Reynolds is doing another one of those teaching clinics on that studio diamond on the MLB Network. Whenver I see that, I wonder what it would be like to watch it on acid. I onced figured out the meaning of life from watching a MC Hammer video on acid in college — his baggy pants spoke to me. I have since forgotten the meaning of life, but Harold on acid might remind me.

A clean shaven Eric Wedge has to be an Aqua Velvet man. Shots! I really want to have a beer with Wedge.

Tigers will be clinching soon. Will they start burning houses in Detroit? Will Cleveland be afire after the Browns lose to the Colts?

Deion the Fairy is on again. No wondew DirecTV is losing customers to Verizon.

Some dude in the A’s game is on a treadmill, trying to complete a marathon before the game ends (should have picked Yanks/Red Sox game). Why? It is a Friday night. Is this what HS AV Club members grow up to be? No MST3K buddies to hang out with?

Say what you will about Raul, but the lad brings over killer salsa. Not bad for a guy who thinks he is white. He is getting worked up about U.S. soccer now. Good Lord.

It is so chilly tonight I had to don a hoodie to complement my shorts. It is nice growing old as a cold weather pussy in California. Soon you people BACK THERE will be freezing your ass off. Enjoy fall, winter is coming.

Harold Reynolds is have a, “Get Off My Lawn” moment. Cuddle up with Joe Morgan, Harold.

Tigers clinch. Manny Acta’s dream dies. Alex White gets rocked, so Chris Antonetti saves his head.

Raul just put one TV on “Jersey Shore.” I have never seen this show, but Snookie is a pig. Is The Situation gay? I need a shot just to make that visual disappear. Jameson’s for everyone!

Tigers are wearing swim goggles to clebrated so bubbly doesn’t get in their eye. The terrorists did win.

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