Friday Night Drunks Week 2

Bobby was late for drinking because Bobby is on MPT — Mexican People Time. He says he was working — fixing sprinklers. Like I said, MPT.

Carlos Gonzalez just hit a 448 foot HR. Maybe 10,000 people were at the stadium to here it.

Bobby just told me that Vin Scully hasn’t been getting paid this year because of the McCourt divorce. I did not know that. Why hasn’t the local media buried McCourt for this?

It is dark, and Bobby is still wearing sunglasses. Prescription, he says. I told him it is better to be blind that look like a goober.

Peach vodka shots tonight. I am starting to wonder if I am turning gay. Bobby is laughing at me, but he bought the damn bottle and is trying to pretend he didn’t.

Cameron Maybin just made an amazing catch in Arizona. At least the Padres have that going for them.

Now we are watching the Battle of the Governors’ Cup — a preseason game between the Chiefs and the Rams. It is hard to believe the Rams left Los Angeles seventeen years ago. I wonder how sad St. Louis will be if the Rams come back. Los Angeles would be devestated to get that shitty team.

Andre Either just made an epic baserunning mistake at home that would even make Omar Vizquel cringe. The Rockies pick up Either by balking in a run.

Making fun of Jim Tracy isn’t as fun as making fun of Eric Wedge. I tease Wedge out of love; I rag Tracy because he is a dick. Tracy was just thrown out of the game.

If the Dodgers blow the game open in an empty stadium, and no one is there, doesn’t it count? This game is so boring that Bobby is re-arranging the beer cooler.

MLB highlights now. A.J. Burnett looks constipated. Perhaps the Yankees should invest in an enema.

Joe Girardi is bitching about games being postponed. Hey, Joe, ever been in a natural disaster? Your bullpen implosions don’t count — they are of your own making. Meanwhile, Buck Showalter just called him out for being a pussy. I don’t like Showalter, but he might just get into heaven for that — or at least a hummer arranged by the baseball gods. Buck is in dire need of one of those.

Bobby and I have a new plan — high speed rail from Redlands to Scottsdale. Bobby actually wants the train to go to Vegas, but Bobby has a gambling problem.

Bobby says that Kemp is a lock for MVP if he he gets in the 40/40 club. No shit, Bobby? Four hundred bucks will get you laid in Vegas also. Unless you have the money, no getting laid. Same with not having the 40 HRs and the MVP.

Ryan Braun is the love child of either Jeff Goldblum/Joey Cora and Susan Sarandon — big ass bug eyes. Bobby wants me to Google Cora and Goldblum to see who has the buggiest eyes. No way.

Shots.

Jim Thome doesn’t have to apologize for anything. He should have said, “I am back, Losers. Lick the sweat off my balls to redeem yourself.”

My friend Fast Eddie once informed me that Victor Martinez was a big steroid user. Victor looks downright tiny now. Maybe Fast Eddie was not the dipshit we thought.

MLB Network now looping — watching ESPN now. Pryor’s ugly face is on — since when did Terrell become as hard to spell on Jamal?

Bobby just informed me I can do Daily Picks on the Little League World Series. That is a line I won’t cross. Bobby once parlayed a LLWS game to a WBNA game. He also says Match.com is full of shit.

NASCAR fights are lamer than baseball brawls. Hillbillies should learm to speak before talking trash.

ESPN is stupid. One last shot before bedtime.

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