Frustrated Incorporated

Much has been made of Tampa Bay’s manager Joe Maddon’s lineup card mistake that forced pitcher Andy Sonnastine to hit on Sunday, but Eric Wedge’s blunder went pretty much ignored. Wedge, in the midst of another hellacious bender, mistakenly penciled in Ryan Garko at LF and Mark DeRosa at first base. The move cost the Indians when the extremely immobile Garko lined up out of position and couldn’t get to a routine ball that turned into a double for Sonnastine.

“So what?” said Wedge after the game. “We would have only lost 6-5 instead of 7-5. Do you think that would have been a moral victory? Hell no — I would have still let Carroll bat in the ninth instead of Sizemore because I want to send a clear message to Grady: ‘If I am going to lose my job because of you, your pretty little ass can pick up some splinters on the bench.

We’re not in it to win anymore — this season is like a karaoke version of that interminable Don McClean song — music can’t save your mortal soul and moss doesn’t grow fat on a rolling stone. How is tripe like that still remembered while the genius of Soul Asylum is mostly forgotten? Frustrated Incorporated — now their is a lyric for this season. All you suicide kings and drama queens, forever after happily, making misery. That is what I am talking about, not some dreary dirge about Buddy Holly that won’t end. Buddy Holly was  a pussy!”

This team is misery personified. We can’t pitch, and we can’t catch. We run the bases like LaRussa drives after a few drinks. The GM thinks we can put out the inferno in the bullpen with napalm. My prima donnas get upset when someone steals against us when we are down 9-0. Hello? No lead is safe with us; why should the other team just roll over, especially when we will give them a few extra outs a game? Sometimes I wish that Shapiro would just shoot me, but that will never happen because Dolan won’t spring for the bullets.

When told of Wedge’s comments, Dolan exploded. “Who does that anemic Grizzly Adams thinks he is? Buddy Holly died for our sins. Has he no sense of decency?”

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